This Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the TV Letdowns of the Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the final season began, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the last season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too on-the-nose. Still, fans certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the smallest of this show's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this show again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Shady figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London rogues which felt a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from strangely jaunty, slightly stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.